So on Friday I had posted this on my instagram story. A friend of mine posted the something similar talking about Vanessa Guillen, an American soldier who was allegedly sexually assaulted and missing from base since April 22, 2020. My friend slid up on this story talking about how this topic frustrates her; only for her to later tell me that someone messaged her saying "Don't post about this like this is all soldiers..."
The way this makes me angry...I'll tell you why.
This response feels like gaslighting to me, the act of mentally/psychologically manipulating to cause one to question their sanity and the validity of their own experience.
Example: A black woman talks about misogynoir (a term coined by Moya Bailey, a queer Black feminist, that blends the word misogyny (hatred of women) and the French word "noir" (black) to explain the intersection of racism and sexism that black women experience) on her social media. She talks about her past sexual assault and ends it off with "#metoo". Then someone replies "Not all men do this. Y'all always looking to start a gender war".
Or,
Example: A conversation between a few black people is going on in the comment section about microaggressions in collegiate settings. One man says, "It really upsets me when white people say the n-word around me. I'm tired of debating with white people about how it's racist." To which a non-black person says, "Not all white people are racist. I have white friends who don't do this."
This is annoying because the people in the aforementioned examples have contributed nothing to the following conversations. They haven't added anything revolutionary or riveting; just an unnecessary point to make the minority feel as though their subjective observations about oppression are invalidated. That's why it feels like gaslighting.
Personally, I never understood the need for these comments and it annoys me every time I see it. When someone says generalizing statements, they are AWARE that not all people are like that. There are exceptions to every commonality. But that's what the problem is: the commonality. There is glaring evidence of systemic, institutional, and blatant oppression that can be analyzed historically and in today's present day. Those beliefs of superiority over marginalized groups, those ideologies, they don't just go away. They transcend time. It makes sense when marginalized groups refer to their oppressors in just one group if that group is the one targeting them... if you don't understand that I don't know how else to break that down for you.
We know it's not all, but its enough. And that's the discussion of privilege because even when it's not all engaging in oppression, all benefit from the system put in place to keep the marginalized groups marginalized and under attack...because the oppressor isn't the one being attacked for the same reason. Still following?
Now I'll explain the title.
I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "If the shoe fits, then wear it"
Most of the time, the people who offer "Well, not all people" as a rebuttal are in a defensive position. Some come across as uppity and itching for an argument. Big mad.
The defense almost seems as if they're defending themselves...as if they're almost offended. Even if it's not the case, it comes off that way. Why are you going so hard for people with an ideology you proclaim to distance yourself from? Taking it personal? If the shoe doesn't fit then don't wear it. But since you want to be Cinderella so bad...it seems like the shoe just might fit.
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